Shame

 I awoke at 1, into full Consciousness.  I relieved myself then opened the deck door and got splattered by cotton-candy fog so thick I couldn't breathe or even swallow.  

The Universe has 'sent' me some stuff of which Dreams and Wishes are contrived, devised and sought.  WHY this is so is as perplexing as it is vexing.  From the LARGEST to the smallest, I THINK I'm getting rewarded for Cosmic Efforts----- ______ .   You know how sometimes you want the Universe to "Send" a "Signal" ?  Some Thing that Identifies your Struggle as Righteous & Worthy of Celestial Being Contact  ?        Well........

You'd think, at least you WANT to think, that Super-Natural Gifts from Super-Natural Beings provide a Divine Affirmation >>>... ,  that what you've planned and executed is in Accordance with Cosmic Principles.  Isn't that the Whole Thing and Nothing BUT the Whole Thing ???  To be in Harmony with Universal Vibrations ?  I mean, you'd think.  

I have expressed Guilt about running away from my Duties and Obligations, to seek Solace and Sanctuary in the Rock Moving Samadhi of INFINITELY Right Here and Just NOW.   I KNOW I 'need' the INTIMATE Proximity of Vast Emptiness in order to free my mind and make it Receptive to Earthly Forces, those Forces which reveal Solutions to Universal Suffering.  Yet, still I feel Shame.