"Back" Pain

I'm SUPPOSE-TO be writing about how I've turned into my Mother the Witch.  I DID promise that.  Problem is > , <  that Particular Stephen is nowhere to be found, at least this morning.  If he WERE here, he'd be writing about how his Heart got so scarred, and that it got so shriveled, that it is INCAPABLE of Love.  HOW it got so grotesquely mangled could take MONTHS of Psychological Examination and CLINICAL Exploration but HOW can that be of ANY Value to my Readers since the Summary would be the doltish, "Don't be like me" or  "Try to AVOID the Suffering with which I have impaled myself. "  OBVIOUSLY ,    "THAT don't work neither".

I'm at "stall" because of Reticence, the reluctance of  "unwilling", the Unwilling NESS of delving into the Past, the Past that CONTINUES to generate Suffering.  In Buddhism there are, what's referred to as, the "Three Worlds".   They are "The Past, The Present, and The Future."   It's annoyingly bewildering that these "Worlds" are "Ongoing", meaning you CAN "visit" the Past, you CAN "visit" the Future and you CAN "live there" as you do now, in the exact same way as you live in the Present. 

The PROBLEM with that is quite complex.  In an event where you are transported, is your PRESENT Consciousness transported WITH you, or is it somehow excised in order to have you "fit in" ? 

When I "go back" in Time, when I drag myself BACK, I expose myself to the Agony of the Past, the one that generates "IT" in an "Ongoing" manner. 

It HURTS to go to Back.