The Prodigal Daughter

Remember the Story of The Prodigal Son ?   Well, I'm the son that stayed behind and worked the farm sacrificing a REAL "Life" for Familial Piety. 

I'm gonna dig out that Story once again if only to PUNISH my self with Whip and Lash. 

Listen Kidz, when my Sister left, she did so bc she HATED Small Time Confinement and Restriction.
Once she attained World Class Status not ONCE did she invite either me or my father to visit, not once, not EVA.  She got as Far Away as she possibly could, California.  She nevah "Looked back".

I'm extremely harummphed to see that there ARE  Lessons here, Universal Lessons.

I aint gettin' to them today.............. ~


Rock steady Sis........steady as You go....

"Money Changes Every----thing".

My father dropped me in front of La Salle Academy on Smith Street in what I figured was North Providence but cooda-ben just reg'lar Providence.  I was to take Its Entrance Exam Qualifier.  I didn't know why he wanted me at La Salle, THE Dominant All Male Catholic Prep-School in Rhode Island, but I was just a kid, what did I know ?

I NEVER knew what I scored, if I "got in" of not.  I figure that even IF I "got in" there was NO WAY my folks could afford the tuition.  I figured, I DID "get in".  My folks just never told me bc of the money situation.

You can see it rite ?

"NYC, just like I pictured it".

There was this time, ya know ?  We had to go to the BIG City---my Sister had an interview at The Julliard School of Music, which was probably set up by Maestro Lewis.  In case you don't know, Julliard was THE Premier Fine Arts Academy of the KNOWN Universe.  NO ONE "got into" Julliard unless they were PRODIGY geniused.  I recall sitting in the Office after she had auditioned.
The Man said something to the effect of  "Mr and Mrs DeSilva, we would be DELIGHTED to have your Daughter study here with us."

The ride home in our Chevy was dark and somber, black even and SILENT.

There wasn't gonna be no Julliard for my Sis.  There was no money for her-- Prodigy or not.

...to ryte a rong...

I hate, Hate,, HATE writing "About My Self".  I haven't had it any more difficult than MILLIONS of ZILLIONS and to ryte that my life HAS been "Severe" is ruthless Blaspheme.  All I didn't "have" was Familial Equanimity.  The Reason I have such sensitivity to "Injustice" is BC of the "Injustice" I experienced as a Kid.  "Child is Father to the Man"   Believe it !!!

Thing is Childhood "trauma" is responsible, rather, it can be viewed as "responsible", for my Ability, if it can be tagged "Ability", to detect Social Putrefaction. 

My Sister is NOT "responsible" for my------------------------deformities, quite the OPPOSITE actually.
When I returned from Swim Practice she would STILL be at the Upright in probably her THIRD hour of Training, her Voice making the Windows and Walls VIBRATE.  She WANTED.  I learned my "That" from HER.

Cry Baby Driver

I've wondered about beginning my autobiography with, "There are NO 'baby pictures' of me, yet there are many several of my Sister."  From the Beginning I was to have NONE of what my folks lavished upon my Sister.  That "That" was to be the Foundation Of My Childhood Existence, my Past, that   to   this    Day    accounts for a violent Cynicism that injects a Familial Toxicity into ALL my Social and ANTI-Social "Politics".  I relate and resonate to and with "Born Under A Bad Sign".  "If I didn't have bad 'love' I didn't have any 'love' at all".

Sis

So...   I learned my sister, Marylou, "passed", "Somewhere Over The Rainbow", at or around Christmas Day.  My Cousin / Baby Sister, Alicia D., sent me the Message, one I waited to retrieve until last night.  Don't be sad -- I didn't "know" her.

I haven't written about her bc of deep-seated Bitterness.  When she was 12 she was given Voice Lessons to be further recognized as a "Child Prodigy".  ALL the family's miniscule resources were directed to HER>> every time she had a recital she was adorned with a new dress, sometimes shoes, and by the time she entered high school she was studying from Maestro Maurice Lewis at the Rhode Island Conservatory of Music.  She received PRIVATE Instruction from him.  When he told them she needed a fucking Piano they bought one for her ---when I needed cleats and baseball trou I didn't even BOTHER to ask them.

THAT'S why I haven't written about her  -  .

Bitterness ?  Stephen be thy name.

Owe

I must leave this here.  I've been up since one o'clock, the inside of my ribs is aching, and I NEED to eat.

I gotta tell you the truth.  During one of the last few sessions, I sat across from Dr. Williams waiting for him to respond to a statement I'd made about my mother.   After 2 lifetimes he sat back and exhausted, "You failed." 

I didn't question his response.  It was my turn to sit back.

"Oh" was all I could utter.


Rock steady........steady as we go....

"Look Mom, no hands..."

As I was preparing this new mug of Joe "this" surfaced - ^ -

Some of us with intensely fucked-uP Moms always figure that if we do this One Thing, if we PLEASE our Mom, so that she FINALLY issues "I LOVE" you, then we will be fine, that we can then LIVE with the Maternal Blessing that can then give us SANCTION not only to LIVE but to be FREE our our Self-Loathing and Condemnation.  Some of us have lived our LIVES in that--------------endeavor.  Yet Here, as I was standing by the coffee brewer,  I heard this  >  "If ALL the teeny-tiny small stuff DIDN'T "Work" then maybe SAVING THE WORLD is BIG enough so that IT will "Work".

Elliot and me just want to do that ONE BIG FUCKING THING which we have perceived will FINALLY gain Maternal Approval.

How fucked-uP is that ?

UTOPIA NOW !!!!!

I have at least four chapters of my autobiography in files.  I even have COPIES of them.  When I try to read them I am filled with Revulsion.  I can't help "it" and I certainly cannot help myself. 

It is as if there is NO "Connection" between THAT "Stephen" and the one who rites THIS shit.  Had it not been for Hermann Hesse and now Sam Ismail,  this particular "I" would NEVER have bothered to try and believe that this "I" actually had something to "offer" let alone "benefit" Humankind.  Why the fuck would I think that ? 

You gotta wonder about Elliot's "Dispostion" the One in which he considered himself and HIS Salvationary Expedition as one WORTHY of Global Financial Cataclysm, Apocalypse Resulting.  What exactly "made" him think that HIS "Plan" was CAPABLE of producing Utopia ?  He EMBRACED his Addiction.  He KNEW he was "fucked-up" yet still he ventured onward. 

Why ?

"They call me Ismail" .....

What's totally fucked-uP is my "Salvation Complex".  Just as "Mr Robot" "wants" to "Save The World" so it is with me.  And when you look at this shit, I mean, when you look HARD, What is it that you see ?  "Mr. Robot" is a person DRIVEN by his Past, a Past that has mutated his Present.  His Past caused a RIP in in Psyche, a Rip is responsible for his Split Personality, what most of us recognize as CHRONIC Schizophrenia.  From the Myth and unto the Street "It" IZ  "Dr. Jeckle --  Mr. Hyde".  It's "Elliot" and his Father "Mr. Robot".  When you look EVEN HARDER, so that Penetration is "Real Eyes-d", we see that it is LONELINESS, that also DOMINATES "Elliot's" Psyche.  Sam Ismail, the Author of "Mr. Robot", depicts Elliot's Mother as an uncaring, unloving WITCH, prone to Aggravation, Irritation, Bitterness and Contempt, a One born to Scorn Weakness and Docility.   She batters Young Elliot without ANY Mercy whatsoever. 

From this Condition we can begin to understand Elliot's "Social Autism" the one of Steve DeSilva contamination.

...scowl...

There were times when Fury not only caused inner conflagration but spread to the Outside World scaring the Living and Dead Shit our of Innocent Onlookers.  Those days were Early Kung Fu Days, Days of a quiet but aggressive Humility that REEKED of an Arrogance EASILY detected by Others who also had "Chips on their shoulders".  Gunslingers, spoiling for a confrontation.  Some of those Onlookers wondered about me, the OBVIOUS if not flat-out BLATANT Disregard for PURE Humility, the GOOD Kind, the one where Kindness, Compassion,, and Caring,,, were its TRUE "Elements" and those that SHOULD have DOMINATED whatever Street Intelligence I relied upon.  It didn't.  I use to be asked, "You got all this training, why are you so fucking fucked-up ?"  I would scowl in contempt and walk away.

Cur Age

Some folks want to believe that all you have-ta do to fix the Present is return to the Past and fix THAT.  Let me tell you, confronting Demons in order to slaughter them, to be free of them, to finally SILENCE them, this is the work that requires TREMENDOUS Courage.  The bourgeois NOTION that Confrontation is non-threatening, risk free, and SIMPLE is PROFOUNDLY Preposterous.  AND, as if it couldn't get any worse, the ABILITY to Penetrate contemporary Psychological Fortifications, those Protective BARRIERS that provide Cocoon-like ARMOR, those that were built in order to secure a steadfast TIMELESSNESS, that "Ability" is "time-sensitive" >>meaning<< when I was younger, when my Life was "ahead" of me, I COULD >with the help of my Psychologists< "Brave" that Experience.  I could withstand the Torment, Tumult and Apocalyptic Atrocities I encountered.  I mean, it was either THAT or continue a downward, "burned-out" Spiral, the one where DEATH would be the Ultimate RELEASE.

In those days It was choosing Life or choosing a form of Death.  Clearly, I chose Life.

BUT ..............................

The Plague

I can't finish this---I don't WANT to finish this.

I am plagued by a Past that is itself a Plague.  I have bound myself to It.

There was a Chance here, with this, to state >> forcibly State<<<  the Why's of my incessant NEED to reside in Penitence, to condemn myself, my Selves, to a Life without Parole---.   Isn't this the Way of the Knight's of Olde, to reside in God's "Grace" >>  that of Humility and morbid Calumny ?   What right have I to be Free ?   Are we not bound by Original SIN ?  Is not the Universe one of Religious CONTAMINATION ? 

Here now the AA Infection ...  "But for the Grace of God" it could have been ME who slaughtered that Poor Innocent.

How can there be Expiation ?????

There CANNOT nor should there be.


Rock steady........steady as We go...

Not Sees

...instead they PRAISED him.  I was beside myself in silent fury.  As my Heart P-O-U-N-D-E-D  I tried to catch my breath ---times had changed.

My Bitterness > = <  as long as he was sober, they considered him a GOOD man. 

Thanks AA

Thanks a LOT.

To them it was the BOOZE that slaughtered that Woman NOT that "man" ---

He agreed.

The Blind leading the Blind ....  Not Sees all and to the last.

Waiting

My Mind was screaming   WHAT ABOUT THAT WOMAN YOU MURDERED !!!!! ????????

I buried my face in my hands.  I will confess I had nothing less than ABSOLUTE MURDEROUS INTENTION. 

I did NOT advance upon him.  Instead, I waited for the Group to recognize his LACK OF REGRET for what it was >>> DRUNKEN ARROGANCE.  I waited ~~~~~~~~~~~and waited~~~~~~~~~~.

"Listen, can you hear it ?"

Last Night, the Guest Speaker confessed that he'd killed a Some One.   I didn't want to know any details, they were supplied nonetheless.  AA Meetings sometimes will RIP your Heart from your chest.  Last night I saw my Heart before me, in the hands of That Drunken Assassin.

"Listen, can you hear it ?" 

I waited to hear Penitent Contrition.  Nothing. 

He spoke of how many cars he'd wrecked.  How many times he'd "served" time. 

As soon as he was released, he began drinking once more.

Not once 

Twice

AA = Agonizers Anonymous

I am loathe to record my AA experiences since they are suppose to be SEVERELY Personal, yet there are times when the Burden of Universal Transgression MUST be imposed upon All Of US even the Innocent.  I have a "Love / Hate" Relationship with AA.  I live in diametric OPPOSITION to its APOLITICAL Policy of NON-Confrontation i.e., AA members are NEVER advised to ask WHY since the Essence of AA is that of a Cult of Sobriety---[as Cults go, "It's one of the BEST"], but my Opposition causes an Exhaustion of Frustration --- sometimes the Litany of Cliches GRATES against not just my Heart but my SOUL as well. One of mt AA Heroes defined it for me --- "If you're still addicted to cigarettes, you aint done, you remain an ADDICT".   In short, to be "Clean" means to be TOTALLY "Clean". 

There's THAT ---  but Last Night it was sheer AGONY.

Mary Wanna

I just dug out yesterday's notes and I see that I have at least 2 more days of blogs before I can be satisfied. 

I MUST discuss the Dimension of "HY" ob getting HY and Being HY bc "Mary Jane" is a NURSE, She is "Special Medicine" that is not just a Relaxant if is a Spirit HELPER in the BEST Sense of the Ancient Shamanic Tradition.

Getting HY helps one to achieve Cosmic Consciousness.

Once you achieve Cosmic Consciousness you become an "Entity".

After THAT there is "Enlightenment BEING"  Bodhisattva.

Tomorrow we MAY get to Music.

Here's a Tease  Music is the GREAT Purifier.

Music HEALS the Soul.


Rock steady........steady as She goes....

Apathetical

I've taken the time to portray our Nation as The Body Politic, a "Body" which has a Mind, The Government.  Here, "It" is One Body, ONE Mind" in the Ancient Tradition of War-Time Generalship.  The GREATEST Generals see their Army as ONE "Entity".  I MUST impress upon you Kidz the Essential IMPORTANCE of perceiving the nation >OUR Nation<as one Body one Mind.  Once I establish that Significance I can point out various maladies, rashes sickness and Diseases that afflict OUR Body and OUR Mind.  "IT" allows US the Latitude of "The Nation is ME" and "I am the Nation".  Can you now see how trump "makes his shit work" ?   Thing is, he's sick, REALLY FUCKING SICK.  Thing is, He REJECTS all Medicine. 

Isn't that "true" of Us as well ? 

There's a word for that                          Apathy.

Not-Sees

Is this anything ?     Over
                                 Weight.

I'm basing my New "New-Ness" on Athenian Democracy, not the REAL One, but the one in The Odyssey, that's the one where you prayed, worked, studied the Martial Arts and took part in Community Politics.  [Com >Unity].  My personal Paradigm is Odysseus, has been since I first read the Blind Poet, Homer.  The Ancient Greeks considered the WHOLE Man not simply as Mind and Body, but as Mind Body Heart and Soul.  Now I know what you Kidz are thinking, "Where is Ancient Greece NOW ?"   It's exactly where it MUST be > in the Past <  where it belongs.  It is the Standards for "Personal Excellence" that I seek to impose upon EVERYONE.  "HY" Standards, if you will.

The "Truth" is Out There.  The very Nature of the American Conscience MUST "Change" if Change itself is to be actualized.  As a Nation we are FAILING.  We are FAILING to "Real Eyes" are own Worth.

Check this out    Nazis    NOT SEES.  We are governed by Not Sees folks that are BLIND, DEAF and  DUMB to the TRUTH. 

Zen and the Art of of Laundering

The New American Ideal Citizen has a broad 4 Position "Stance".  I have described it as Mind, Body,, Heat,,, and Soul and further included the Ancient Chinese Lao Tzu's, "The Empire is based upon the Individual", aided by Hesse attenuation of, "A Society rests upon its Artists and its Criminals"~~~ at least I HOPE I read that in Hesse's Works.  The New American Citizen devotes Energy to Meditation, Intellectual Pursuits, Physical Training and my fav ART.  [Art is my middle name, so there's THAT].

My PLAN is to influence EVERYONE with Zen Buddhist Tradition.  For the Wary, Zen "is like" A.A.'s "K.I.S.S" > "Keep It Simple Stupid"< only Zen is THAT but on STEROIDS as well.  Zen is Common Sense Spirituality ==  "I draw water, I carry wood", but with the dimension of Mysticism included as Mystical Experience, "I draw water, I carry wood."  "I wash the dishes, then dry them."  "I put my laundry in the washing machine, when the cycle is completed, I move them to the dryer."

It's THAT. 

Myrrh-dur

I have so much to do today, check that, there's so much I COULD do~~~ but it's rainy and cold, and I mean 32 degrees Cold, there's snow and sleet on everything and the VERY BIG THING I had planned is IMPOSSIBLE >>> not only that <<<  the shit I MUST do in the Tools' Room, shit that needs IMMEDIATE Attention,  I'll just postpone to INDEFINITELY, with the expectation that Indefinitely will arrive "when it does". 

X-Mess is here.  I urge you Folks to read my "This Morning" on Twitter @ desilva_stephen so you can understand the title. 

I had plans to continue the Topic of a couple of days ago, but I got one-hit HY yesterday and some shit surfaced that's well worth considering.

We, as in America, need a new Consciousness, a COSMIC Consciousness (a 1920's phrase, believe it or don't) and in MY mind the ONLY "Way" to achieve this Cosmic Consciousness is through sheer Force of WILL.  Will Power.

What I have is "WON'T Power" so there's gonna be "Fraught". 

Will Power is WANT Power.  From the 80's "You gotta wanna".

19 Hatey For

I wonder if we can adapt to the Prevailing Environment with "Healthy" Standards.  The Outcome of the Industrial Revolution has generated a Gross Joblessness that is paramount to Global Pandemic.  The Future has arrived but has NOT been able to accommodate the Vast Majority of Working Class Folks.  What the fuck HAPPENED ?

EVERYTHING HAPPENED and NOTHING Happened at the exact same time.  Candidate Yang has it RIGHT.  NO ONE "prepared" us for a Future NO ONE COULD PREDICT. 

It MAY be that Humankind now "needs" a DIFFERENT "Type" of "Entity".  How EXACTLY is THAT "gonna-happen" ??????? !

Quality of Strife

I've yet to temper my Salvation Complex.  It's gotten worse because these days I REFUSE to allow "Good" and Evil" to enter as Components to Sound Reasoning.  Claiming trump is "Evil" does no one ANY "good".  As soon as you "make" "Good" you make Evil as well.  Simmering on the Lexicon "back-burner" is the Orwellian / Persigian "High Quality <> Low Quality".  Here, one's HEALTH can be used as Universal Standard.  Still, it (to explain and describe Abnormal Negativity) is perplexing.  What ISN'T  perplexing is devising Counter-Measures since they (already) exist almost as Mathematical Formulaic Absolutes.  [ Losing Weight < = >  Increasing your caloric Output while Decreasing your caloric Input] . 

Modern Times have generated Political Toxicity, a Toxicity that drains us of Life Fulfilling Tranquility, and POISONS us with Sub-Human Cruelty on the Level PARALLEL to Hitler's Nazi Germany.  Trump is about to CONDEMN MILLIONS to Starvation by REMOVING Human Compassion from the Honor and Dignity of American Democracy that of Food Stamps for the Less Fortunate and Poverty Stricken.  His senators remain loyal. 

I am beside myself with Rage and Fury.

Yores

The uP-stairs is vacuumed, I just finished lifting,, the Tools Museum is in order,,, I changed the propane tank,,,, there's no need to prepare kim chee,,,,, and there's nothing good on TV ~~~~~~ I've run out of excuses : so here I am.

Since the cessation of Radiation Bombardment I have "improved" to somewhere around 70% >> that means I've been able to get in a couple of Afternoon "Sessions" the one that involves hitting the Speed Bag, foot hops, and THINKING about hitting my 40 pound Everlast just in-case a Th r ee  or 4 year old gets "feisty" with me.  I started the sit-up regimen with infrequent results--I only haf-ta get to 50 Total.  Push-ups are at 20 I have NO desire to add more.  Sadly, my Sword Work remains non-existent.  My left knee is un-use-able-- just Basic Motion # 5 "Stepping"> is a challenge I've yet to accept.  My body weight is FINALLY stable at a buck-79 nothing I'm proud of BUT I can still "FLY" over and on water for FIFTY Yards, THAT I AM Proud of ^^ being 68 and soon to be in my Sixty-9th Year.

I think my Hero, the GREAT Historian Plutarch, would approve (I thank Zeus, He's dead).

"Furious-er and Furious-er"

Truth is, there are MANY "Steve Steeves and Stehphens" that want access to this keyboard and screen.  It's a battle to resist the Demon Steves, since they have every rite to express themselves.  Each of the Stephens is a Facet of the Stephen DeSilva "Diamond".  And here, it is my Spiritual Desire to be a "Mirror" in which You Gize see your Selves.  Here is where "Universality" resides.
Once you see yourself IN me, I have a chance at "influence" and rite around the corner from Influence is Persuasion.

In  a World where Truth is no longer the DOMINANT feature of Social Reality there is a NEED for an Adaptation of Human Consciousness that can exist WITHOUT Truth.  It ain't like we've never "been there" and "done that", remember the Dark Ages ?   The Deal with Present Day Societal Aggravation is our INABILITY to "See Through" the Lies, Deceit and Public Political and Intellectual Fornication so that we may achieve an "Understanding" based upon UNIVERSAL "Stability".  This "Stability" is nothing short of a Psychic WHOLENESS, a Conscious Awareness that itself is the result of  the "Mutual Interpenetration" of Mind, Body Heart and Soul.  The trick is to have the DESIRE to execute this "accommodation".  That's where I "come in".


Rock steady........steady as She goes....

Shadow Boxers

I have TH R EE thermometers in my Cave, I have F O U R clocks >>>>  SEVERAL lamps and      TW O heat sources.  Remember that Schizophrenia I cherish ?  I'm thinkin' I NEED all those items bc of my MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES .   Each one of my Steve's NEEDS his own Item.  You Gize think YOU have issues ???!!! ?????

Yesterday I watched Nancy Pelosi wield Catholic WRATH.  "DON'T YOU DARE ACCUSE  ME WITH THE WORD 'HATE' !!! " 

Only a few moments later there was Joe Biden >>  "YOU'RE A LIAR !!" <<

I had to hold back my FURY. 

When does "Dislike INTENSELY" "get to" "Hate" ???

Biden simply swung and missed.  He called the man a Liar but the asshole's statement was a simple parallel ...  almost an analogy. 

Joe ain't no Street Fighter.  Nancy ain't no Saint.

The ASS in World CLASS

I LOVE to keep my Standards UN-OBTAINABLE  > ~ < That way I can experience SUCCESS at GRANDIOSE Failure.  ALL of us want to be Successful.  I EXCEL at the Success of Failure.  For a while, for a   L----------O--------------N------------G  "while" I've had a hankering to be considered by INTELLIGENT Others as possessing a "World Class Mind".  "It" happened after seeing "A Beautiful Mind".  I decided I want that "Pen".  You know what the Problem is ?    Yup.  I mite  not got me no World Class Mind.   Know what Else I want ?  The "Nobel Prize for Literature".  I've yet to rite a book, but I've had EVERY GOOD INTENTION to do so.  That's a broad spectrum LIE !!!!  I've been Journaling since my First Day at U. CONN.  What I need to do is simply edit.  It's so simple I'm stupid.  Thing is--  I don't consider myself to be Universally Interesting. 

"The Daze Of Our Lives"

A couple of days ago, where "days" is code for DAZE, I sat before my beloved TEE VEE and I became overwhelmed by a Sensation of FINALITY, the DEATH Kind, the Kind where my inevitable demise washed over me as ABYSMAL Inundation.  I felt as if my molecules were being drawn from me and guess what they were being drawn IN-TO >>>>>>  (    ) .  Yup <<   The goddamn TEE VEE.  Geezus fucking Krist  ARE YOU KIDDING ME ???  Was my  "END " to be personal demolecularization the result of TEE VEE as "BLACK HOLE" ???   I shuddered.   What a fucked-uP
"Way To Go". 

I'm 67 but I FEEL like I'm 67 and a HALF.  There I was, trying to Save Humankind by watching the TEE VEE, monitoring the news outlets soes I could establish sat least ONE Topic for the Next Day's
Consideration, and all I was "getting" was a shove off the Cliff of Just Now. 

Was TEE VEE "sucking" the Life from me ?

The Hoary Hoarder

When I get "like this" I can't rite.  I sit in Chairy-Chair and search for a topic at which I can provide some sort of intelligent reflection something that can somehow trigger either appreciation or contemplative thought, although there ARE times when igniting INSPIRATION is an ancillary consideration.  Sometimes searching for a topic is like going into a landfill,  ANY  Landfill, and kicking around items of refuse, trash and dis-ordered recyclables in a vain attempt at connecting Discharge with Cosmic Charge.  Elsewhere, I've described my own Mental Landfill as being the size of Oklahoma.  It's nothing I'm proud of, since my Land-"full" borders on being a Hoard~~ which MAY be "acceptable" IFF a Library is ALSO considered a Hoard.  Don't get me started on being a Horde-r.

Hellth

I gotta go out and push some snow around.  I've already fed the birds, but I'll brush the plywood I laid down this morning and add some feed.  It will make me feel "good".

We NEED to excise trump,  the WORLD needs to have trump excised.  We NEED it in order to begin to regain our Health. 

Have we not had enough of Hell-th ?

Here, "half-measures avail us NOTHING".

Impeachment is only the the Beginning.


Rock steady........steady as We go....

Freedumb

"Damned if you do, damned if you don't" ISN'T "valid" in this instance. Although the PC was gonna neutralize my dick ANYWAY  why not just "gut it out" and save myself from Radiation Bombardment - Debilitation resulting ?   Why NOT let the shit-cans "have their way" and let the Cancer "take its course" a course that will eventuate as Cancer Death as well ? You know the answer,
"Quality of Life".  Short Term disaster is NULLIFIED by Long Term Health.  So simple --it's stupit.

The rats' "Indecision" in whether or not to Fight by Mirroring shit-can "tactics" has resulted in Political Impotence.  Here, Radiational Bombardment is preferred.  The Bombardment of Social Media, Twitter as Canon, Face-book as Nuke, actually MIRRORS trump's Campaign of Terror. 

Here's the Deal with that ---as Humans WE UNDERSTAND TERROR.

We also understand NUCLEAR DEVASTATION. 
As much as I HATE IT
The A Bomb ended WW II.

Are we to be free of its Affects ? 

No     fucking     way   .

I'm Potent

Let's test my Metaphor.

I claim "trump is Cancer" >>therefore, he and his minions, the American Senate and republicans in general, must also be Cancer.

Not let's get "Site Specific" and be forewarned this is about to get "tight".

I "had", and may still "have" Prostate Cancer.  Let's refer to my Prostate as the democratic party.  The republi-cans , the shit- cans are as a Cancer on the Body Politic represented by the democ-rats.  Medical Science KNOWS that Prostate Cancer can SHORTEN ONE'S LIFE.  Now, what can neutralize the shit-can Cancer ?  Excision, removal of the Prostate, [THAT was never an option for me] OR, Radiation Bombardment.  Either Way, SOMETHING "had to be done".  The Body Politic COULD NOT sustain that shit-can Cancer.  In other words, republican Cancer is a vast and rabid DETRIMENT to the Body Politic. 

Ideally the shit-can Cancer was to be Radiationally DESTROYED, leaving behind a Clean but severely wounded Prostate.  Doctor Prostate alarmed, "You're gonna become Impotent". 
The Radiation Bombardment that was-gonna KILL the Cancer, was gonna render me IMPOTENT.

Let that sink in.

The Body Politic

Also Yesterday, I generated a Metaphor that I could use to promote MY understanding, an Understanding that includes MY Desire to Save The World From Itself and an Ancillary, to INFLUENCE you Gize toward a Zen Buddhist Orientation, an Orientation that manifests as Spiritual Common Sense.  The "Thing" about Metaphor, it's gotta work, and work under ALMOST all "Conditions".  If it FAILS to induce Comprehension, then OBVIOUSLY the Metaphor is flawed, at which point it becomes useless at best, at worse, pathetic. 

I used the so-called "Body Politic" to convey the American Collective Consciousness [Conscience] (Con  [with]  Science i.e.,  with Science) and its conjoined, American Electorate, in order to convey a One-Ness, "One Land, Land of the Brave, HOME of the Free", a One-Ness that, at present, is Fractured, Splintered and Fractal-ed, because of a rabid Schizophrenia  the result of GENERATIONS of  WAR, Media Bombardment in the form of Propaganda, both Commercial and Political, and a Cult Specific Apathy, the DE-Generation of Self, the one that manifests as Ego-Centricity. 
The Utopia of,  "We are all created Equal" MEANS We all have HUMAN Form.

I needed to start with THAT.

Puritanica

Yesterday I left with the Puritans.  I NEED you Kidz to see WHY.

The Puritans did NOT bring Slavery with them nor did they encounter Slavery among the Indigenous.

We do NOT have to understand the ORIGIN of Slavery, we need only understand that WHITE Europeans could NOT "Imagine" a Life of Wealth and Luxury that did NOT depend upon Slavery in all its forms and manifestations.

Elsewhere I have noted that as Americans we are BORN INTO  the American "Original Sin" that of Slavery.  I have claimed that America itself is nothing less than FEUDALISTIC "Plantationism", where "Feudalism" is a Bi-Polar Economy of Land Owners and All Others and Planationism is  (a) Capitalistic Feudalism that MAINTAINS "Serfdom" in its Primal-ly degenerative form, that of Slavery.

I wanted to exaggerate the "Pure" in Puritans because of their Devotion to Freedom, Freedom in the form of Freedom TO BE THEMSELVES AND WORSHIP WHO AND WHAT THEY WILL.

There's this Migratory Mantra ::   "At least HERE we can be FREE."

U.S.

I've tried to foist upon you Kidz the Conceptualization that the "Body Politic", of which I am so fond, IZ OUR NATION.  There is one and ONLY One Body Politic that of OUR Nation, One Body Under Heaven.  The REASON I use ONE Body is so that I can affix MY "Prevailing Conditions", the Schizophrenia, the Bi-Polarization,, the Hyper-Tension,,, the G.I.R.D.,,,, my beloved Social Autism,,,,  and rite up in there with them,,,,, my Dyslexic Dysfunction.  I use MY Maladies to describe OUR Sicknesses, Diseases and Cultural Pandemics.  It's the whole Writers' Thing, the one where you MUST > "Write About What You Know"< , thus, I can achieve and maintain a "level" of  Authenticity of Genuine-Ness that keeps me...............................influential.

Here's the Thing about that Thing.  It is my PAST, the Stephen who studied, trained, and worked that has "rescued" me, rather, that Past of Ideals that has grown and Matured within this Present Stephen. 
I NEED you Kidz to see that America's PAST, the Good One the EARLY One, possessed those IDEALS that can help us NOW.  I have written elsewhere that I BELIEVE listening to 70's Music can aid us in RECOVERY--that the Themes expressed by Conduits of Heaven will be of ENORMOUS Benefit should we avail ourselves to their reintroduction.

In that SAME Way, Those now ANCIENT Ideals MUST be "recovered" NOT re-covered. 

Great Britain is on the verge of Orwellian Socialism. 

The PURITANS migrated from Great Britain.

Consider.......


Rock steady........steady as She goes....

Commander Obvious

Before, as in Before,, I argued for Orwellian Socialism bc it GUARANTEED an Economic Jurisprudence based upon "The Needs Of The People".  I echoed Orwell's Call for GOVERNMENT OWNER-SHIP, Ship,, ship,,, of Utilities, Energy, Transportation and Agriculture.   Exactly how is it possible for ONE man to own Land ALL THE WAY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH ?????
It makes no sense.  How can it ?

I see, I can't help but see, in Orwell's Socialism,, the very FUNDAMENTALS of BUDDHIST Political COMPASSION.  The Compassion that INSISTS > "Our Nation is OUR Nation", <  as a Collective, as a Whole.  Folks speak of Unification, they espouse Political UNITY yet HOW is this to be achieved ?  Orwell is Commander Obvious >  A "Successful Government" GUARANTEES a Successful Populace < , where "Successful" is code for "Prosperous"  [prosper-US].

Know what the "Catch" is ?   I mean, you KNOW what the "Catch" is.

Tw o words     >>
Reformation.

Conned Fusion

We live a hardscrabble existence of scratch and claw, the One were just making a Living, finding suitable employment that ISN'T Slavery and then finding a suitable Mate with whom you can scratch and claw, SEEMS to be, to appear as, ALL THAT MATTERS.  To me and gize like me  It isn't.

It's no secret that I write (rite, ryte, right) to influence you Kidz by introducing, when appropriate, Zen Buddhism as a means of Personal Salvation.  "Salvation" in THIS context means to be at Peace with your own Head, where "Head" means Mind.  Getting a "GOOD" Job and finding your ONE are ESSENTIAL to this Peace of Mind.  But look around.  Folks with GREAT jobs and SUPER-GREAT Partners seem just as distressed as the rest of Us.  Unfulfilled, Dis-Satisfied, Incomplete, Disconnected, dour adjectives each and every, describe Us and our Civilization.  Call Captain Obvious because SOMETHING IS MISSING. 

It is the same for The Body Politic that THAT which manifests PERSONAL Salvation as POLITICAL Expediency.  Clearly it AINT Happening !  Look at the American President.

Go ahead.......Look.

Rob-rot

There's an absolutely PUNISHING scene in the TV (soon to be Classic) Myth "Mr. Robot".  Elliot, the Protagonist, has just CRIPPLED the GLOBAL Financial Infrastructure, the result of HIS Schizophrenia and Abject LONELINESS, and stands before a Victim who lashes, "Why Eliot, WHY DID YOU DO IT ??? "  There's a grotesquely PREGNANT Pause, >> Eliot's face is contorted by CATASTROPHIC Confusion,>>  he rejects Abortion but can Birth only, "I wanted to save the World." 

I have spoken those words, I LIVE to speak those words.   I Manifest those Words daily. 

I have teased you Kids with my own Salvationist Extremeism . 

WHY I want to "Save The World" is THE DOMINANT FACTOR .

To go Orwell / Jung "Mind-meld" ===

Saving the World MEANS Saving myself.

..."collocations of vocables"...

The title is a phrase I chanced upon in one of George Orwell's "Essays".  I am a collocator , guilty of collocation.  This morning, when I awoke , I did NOT know I was guilty of collocation.  Life sucks, you get old and then you learn you're a collocutionist.  Did NOT see that coming OBVIOUSLY. 

I had every GOOD Intention to review my scant knowledge of Orwellian Socialism in an attempt to provide REASONABLE access to Orwellian Governmental Ideology.  Instead, as I was reading the Table of Contents, I saw; "Politics And The English Language">> I turned to its pages and there I was, underlined, scribbled, scrawled and notated within ORWELL'S  Mind !  I continued to read MYSELF and ALL THE RONG THINGS WRITERS WRITE, the Kind that moved Orwell to badmouth "Our Own." 

I was taken aback when I read this , "If you use ready-made phrases, you not only don't have to hunt about for words ;   you also don't have to bother with the rhythms of your sentences, since these phrases are generally so arranged as to be more or less euphonious."

In a crackheadzillion YEARS I wouldn't be caught DEAD with that italicized segment as part of ANY Sentence Structure. 

That particular mendicant copy of collocation is as VULGAR as vocables can "get".