Stu Pendus

The ladder was one rung from being Fully Extended and I was at only head level (not chest level) with the gutter.  The wind had intensified and the rain was so heavy I couldn't see across the street.  I began to pray.  I started to pray NOT for my own safety, but for some wary motorist to pass by and marvel at my STUPENDOUS Stu-pid-id-i-ty.  I wanted Some One to astonish, "What is that fucking asshole DOING in this TORRENTIAL Downpour" ???   I wanted that, to be seen as a freaking IDIOT.  "Why'd the Moron climb the Ladder in a Biblical Inundation ?"   See ?  That WORKS for me.   (Where was I ???)

I prayed in Thank-Fullness that I had spent SUPER-BIG bucks on a Carhartt Anti-Rain Gear System that could go E.V.A (Extra Vehicular Activity) aboard Jacque Cousteau's "Calypso" and nary a drop would penetrate my Space Suit.  I spent like ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY dollars for that Anti-Rain protection.  It was worth EVERY single PENNY.  So I just stood there----20 feet up---waiting for a gust of rain to blow me the fuck OFF.  One thing I WOULDN'T do is YELL while I was mid-air.  Not cool.  I was just gonna crash onto the steps, because I didn't close BOTH the bulk-head doors, and bleed to death from a rib through one or both lungs. 

I savored that for quite some time.